


Justice

by eliatan



Series: degenerate [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Blood and Torture, Desperation, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Imprisonment, Manga Spoilers, Manipulation, Mental Instability, Multi, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-18 20:28:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1441804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliatan/pseuds/eliatan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captured by the military and isolated in an underground cell, Bertholdt's wounded psyche continues to degrade. He passes time by fantasizing the death of his cell guard and anyone else he isn't particularly fond of. He's still terrorized by nightmares, except now it's more like he's living them, and this time he can't just check the bunk below to see if Reiner is okay. </p><p>He's truly, finally, alone.</p><p>-</p><p>Canon Divergence from Chapter 50.</p><p>This is the 'sequel' to The Cost Of Kindness, but it stands on its own.<br/>*On indefinite hiatus</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a big general trigger warning for this story. There are some morbid themes and graphic images.

How long before you crack?  
How long before you turn back?

Your ground will fall from under your feet  
Your sky will crumble in, you will be swallowed alive

You're running out, you're running out

[ Running Out - Stateless ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9vk5Z_0kSI&feature=kp)

* * *

Numb. That's the only way to describe it.

I'm exhausted, but I keep my eyelids open. Whenever they flutter closed I see him. I see his final expression, the pain and panic embedded in his eyes. Then I jerk awake and stare at something until my mind is cleared, until Reiner is completely gone.

Down here, where the sun never reaches, I'm always cold. Even when a guard is whistling at me, or glaring, or spitting in disgust. I'm alone. I'd rather be alone. These people only bring me pain, just like Annie said they would.

The cuffs around my wrists dig into the flesh, chafe the skin. Sometimes the throbbing pain clears my head, but usually it just disgusts me. The only thing that kept me going was Annie, Reiner and the promise of returning home. Now they're both gone and what's the point of going home as a failed warrior? What's the point?

A racket sounded on the side of my cell's bars as a soldier walked past, banging against the metal. I didn't look up, but I knew he was the guard with the slight limp just from his uneven steps. The soldier stopped and I looked over at him from where I was on the cold, stone floor. A few seconds later, a plate of food slid towards me.

I didn't move. Neither did the soldier.

"You gonna eat your damn food?" The man growled out.

I just looked away.

The soldier turned hostile and rattled the bars. "Piece of shit!" He snarled, spittle spouting from his pursed, greasy lips. I knew he was just trying to get a rise out of me, but I couldn't help glaring at him from the corner of my eyes.

Fucking filthy swine.

I imagined my long hands wrapping around his thick throat, my thumbs pressing against the flesh until it began to purple. His eyes bulging, turning into red saucers. His sweaty hands pawing at my arms, trying to find release. His breathy, pathetic begging. I could feel my body heat up, the muscles in my arms straining. I could see myself pushing until the man's eyes emptied. If only. 

When I was younger, it used to scare me how much hate was inside me. Now I can't really tell what's the hate and what's me.

I looked down at the tray. A piece of hard bread and a shallow bowl of watery soup sat on its surface. I stared at the mess until the soldier lost interest and wandered away. What did he expect me to do? Eat on my knees like a dog? I'd rather starve.

I heard a familiar chorus of confidant footsteps on the stone floor. The steps halted with tight precision outside my cell. Strange of Hanji to visit me right after a meal. I glanced up dejectedly, wondering who Hanji brought with them today. I noticed a blonde head hovered close behind them.

Armin. That fucking bastard.

It was only day three in this underground cell and I was already starting to unravel. Well, unravel _more_. There was only artificial light, so my only indication of time passing was my meals and Hanji's sporadic visits.

There was a different kind of clink and Hanji slid into my cell. Hanji didn't comment on the fact that I was crumpled on the cold ground. Instead they chose to sidestep my untouched food and inspect the wounds along my skin.

"Where did you get these?" Hanji asked in their hard, business tone, referring to the new gallery of black and purples running down my arms.

Memories of clammy hands gripping me, shoving me against the ground. Memories of righteous grins and throbbing, aching pain.

What was I supposed to _do_?

I glanced up and saw Armin's fleeting gaze. He looked sad, almost like he knew the truth, but he didn't want to believe it. That was the most kindness I'd received since Reiner and Ymir fell. It was disgusting. I didn't want Armin's fucking sympathy.

I could still see the inane glint in his eyes as he shouted Annie's fate to me, almost sadistically, almost gleefully.

_"You guys really are monsters, leaving Annie behind like you did. Between Levi and the Garrison there was barely anything left of her. You could hear her screams from the other end of the district. Don't you get it? She's dead... Annie's dead!"_

The first person I'd kill would be Armin. I'd grab his fine silken hair by the fistfuls and yank until he was screaming in agony. I'd fucking break his arms and watch him whimper and sob and drown in his own filth. I wouldn't think about the way Reiner loved running his hands through those locks, or the way he caressed Armin's skin with the utmost care and delicacy, like Armin was something worth protecting.

Reiner was only affectionate with that boy when he forgot who he was. Maybe I could respect that before, but now Reiner is gone, and frankly, I don't care about Armin anymore. He's not the same. I'm not the same.

I remained still and silent as Hanji wrote on their clipboard. I hadn't cooperated once during their past visits, but that didn't effect Hanji's enthusiasm at all.

"Why do you think he isn't healing?" Hanji asked, turning to Armin. The blonde was thoughtful for a quick moment, his gaze seemed to analyze me. I quickly looked away.

"He's given up. There's no fight left. His spirit is broken," I heard the wide-eyed blonde take a few steps closer. "Maybe if we let him see Reiner... Just for a moment?"

My eyes flickered up and I scanned both their faces, desperately checking for any sign that they were lying.

 _What the hell?_ Reiner was dead... I'd heard it from a pair of guards loitering outside my cell. They had been talking in hushed whispers, while I'd been 'asleep'. There was no mistaking it. They'd said the Armored Titan and the other traitor from the 104th squad had been devoured by the titans.

So who had been lied to? The soldiers or me? If Armin was really bold enough to try and manipulate me like this, I would... I would...

"No. That wouldn't be possible," Hanji looked down at me, their glasses glinting in the lamp light. "He has his trial."

Wouldn't be possible or wasn't possible? How much could they gain from my cooperation? From concealing Reiner's true fate? No. I would stay skeptical until either Reiner was standing before me or I was dead. Without my cooperation, my healing, there was a whole list of tests Hanji couldn't preform. They couldn't exactly torture me until I agreed to heal myself.

Or could they?

Hanji returned to Armin and scanned over the clipboard in his hands. My eyes sunk back down at the floor.

I could almost feel Reiner gripping my shoulder and crouching beside me. He'd have that characteristic frown on his face and his tense gaze. He'd tell me to stay sharp, to hold on. Then his eye's would soften, like they always did when he talked to me. But Reiner was gone... Annie was gone...

"He's ready." Hanji called down the hallway, unlocking the cell for the three guards who'd been lounging outside.

Hanji and Armin backed away and the oldest of the soldiers grabbed me roughly by the shoulder, yanking me to my feet. I stumbled slightly when he shoved me forward. The soldier on my left, the female, grimaced as she came close, pulling a sack over my head. Hands gripped my arms and I was clumsily lead out of the cell and down the hall. I lost my bearings almost immediately.

After a while a door opened and I was forced to blindly climb stairs. The motion was monotonous until the last step, where I fumbled over my own feet.

We walked a little further and I heard another door open. It was like someone uncapped a jar of sound. We entered an echoey room filled with shouting, chairs scraping and unintentional stomping. I was yanked forward and then mercilessly shoved to my knees. There was a pull on the restraints around my wrists and then my hood was unveiled.

I winced out at the room, although it was only dimly lit with scattered torches, they caused the air to swelter and drew eerie shadows up the walls. The space was obviously a cellar of some kind that had been transformed into an improvised court room. The air still had the same staleness of my cell, so I knew we were underground. They weren't taking any chances with me near the surface.

The shackles around my wrists and ankles were bolted to the floor, and the three soldiers who had brought me from my cell stood, surrounding me. Each had blades drawn, ready to strike if I tried anything.

"Silence!" Darius Zackly suddenly chided the bickering military heads. They shot each other a sour look before returning to their seats. "Now formally beginning the trial of Bertoldt Hoover, Colossal Titan Shifter, graduate of the 104th trainee squad and previous member of the Survey Corps."

That was all I had to my name?

This was my first time seeing Darius Zackly in person. The man seemed old and tired, but he was one of the few who wasn't intimidated by me. I searched the room for familiar faces. It didn't take long. The Survey Corps were to my left, among them Levi, Hanji and a portion of the 104th graduates. The MP crowd was to the right, as well as some more soldiers and people I didn't recognize. There was hardly thirty people in the room.

I shifted my weight, trying to get comfortable. Nile Dok was the first to rise, the Commander of the Military Police. He was the guy with greasy black hair who looked like he had a constant unpleasant taste in his mouth. Zackly turned his attention to Nile Dok and Dok turned to me. Our eyes met and I frowned. He looked down on me with disgust.

"As representatives of the people, the Military Police suggest immediate execution of the titan shifter. Over one third of the population's death can be directly tied to his actions as a Titan. Any research opportunities are outweighed by the potential threat of the prisoner. Any other decision would be a grave mistake. That is all, thank you." Nile grunted the last words before turning, saluting Zackly, and returned to his seat.

Darius Zackly ran a few fingers through his beard, looking thoughtful. He shifted his attention towards the Survey Corps' side of the room. "Captain Levi... I believe a statement from Commander Erwin Smith is within your possession?"

Levi nodded and stood, clearing his throat slightly. He unfolded a small piece of parchment and read it in a monotonous voice; "Thank you for the opportunity to testify in this trial despite my absence. I am currently unfit for travel due to wounds sustained during a mission to recover Eren Yeager, a Titan shifter currently under the custody of the Survey Corps, who had been abducted by the Armoured Titan, Reiner Braun and the Colossal Titan, Bertholdt Hoover. The purpose behind this abduction is currently unknown, which is where the Survey Corps' first contention arises."

Levi paused, squinting down at Erwin's handwriting. "Little is currently known about Titan Shifters. This makes any information available extremely valuable and, most likely, in humanities greatest interests to obtain. The Survey Corps formally requests time to interrogate and study Bertholdt Hoover. The Survey Corps still recognizes the threat Hoover poses and suggests his swift execution after the previous are completed."

Levi folded up the parchment and tucked it back into his jacket pocket. Zackly waited for Levi to add something, but the Captain only sat, crossing his legs.

"What are your thoughts Squad Leader Zoe?" Zackly turned his attention to Hanji, who's posture immediately straightened.

"Respectfully sir, having another Shifter available for study has huge prospects of progress against the Titan threat. However, because of the amount of casualties caused by the Colossal Shifter, Bertholdt Hoover, if there is no immediate discoveries I believe it would be best to get rid of the threat." Hanji paused, their eyes flickering as they adjusted their glasses. "I have experienced the colossal shifter's destruction first hand... We may not get another opportunity like this." Hanji finished their speech with a small exhale and allowed their shoulders to relax.

The tension in the room was so thick that I could feel it pressing against the back of my throat. I didn't want to be here, mixed in with the fear and politics. I looked away from the fearful faces and focused on the cold stone floor instead. The hard surface was making my knees ache unpleasantly.

When some of my former squad members were called to testify, I perked up.

"Mikasa Ackerman," Zackly adjusted his glasses as he read her name off a list on his desk. "Its recorded that you were there when the shifter's identities were revealed on Wall Rose. Do you have anything to add?"

"It would be redundant to repeat what's already been said... Sir." She spoke the words quietly, but they carried malice. Her eyes were dark. They reminded me of Annie's... a little. Zackly nodded and Mikasa took her seat again.

"Armin Arlet?"

Armin stood and formally saluted. His expression was grim and his eyes wouldn't meet mine, although I was staring right at him. The coward.

"I agree with the urgency of Bertholdt's immediate execution. I've personally experienced both his lack of remorse and his ability to manipulate. This, combined with the ease that he can cause destruction, he is the largest threat to humanity at this moment."

I grinned at what appeared to be an unintentional pun. Several of the lower ranking Military Police officers who'd been ogling me shrank in horror. For some reason their expressions sent a sudden flicker of rage through me. I wanted to scream at them, tell them I was hardly anything compared to what was coming, but I didn't need to. They'd realize soon enough.

Marcel had once told me that if you truly understood your enemy, you could destroy them. Armin was living proof that having that power was also a curse. I could see it in his cold eyes and rigid shoulders. His empathy gnawed on him like a disease.

"That's all sir... thank you." Armin sat, finally meeting my eyes. I made sure to give him my most disdainful look. I quickly remembered a time when I'd given the same look to Reiner after he'd embarrassed me. Reiner had asked me if I was constipated. I relaxed my face and looked away, angry that I had to remember something like that at a time like this.

I made the mistake of catching Jean's detached, hateful glare. The way Jean saw me was reflected perfectly in his eyes. I was a monster, drenched in the blood of his loved ones.

 _Eren's mother, Armin's grandfather, Marco._ I may not have killed them, but Jean was right. Their blood was on my hands.

I had known since the first day of training that any companionship would eventually end like this.

Connie, Christa and Sasha were somber and silent. They stood close together and focused solely on the speakers. They were the ones who had been nearby when the titans had overtaken Reiner and Ymir. I wondered if Christa had been interrogated or put on trial herself. She seemed to be in the clear, otherwise she probably wouldn't be shackle free and standing in the room.

She had dark circles under her puffy eyes. Something inside that girl was definitely dead.

"Eren... Jeager-" Before Zackly could look up from his paper Eren was already out of his chair, sending the thing clattering to the floor. Levi's eyes filled with disdain, which he directed at Eren.

"He shouldn't just be killed! He should be tortured. He doesn't know a fraction of the pain he's caused!" Eren was screaming, quickly crossing from passionate to frenzied. "He lied to us, befriended us. We trusted the shit ass fucker! It's because of him! It's- We've- We've lost so many... so many..." Tears brimmed Eren's eyes. The room was eerily silent. He took a few steps forward and Mikasa rushed over, grabbing him by the shoulder. A hollow spout of laughter bubbled from Eren's throat.

Humanities only warrior... seemed a little off, but that didn't surprise me. Everyone in this room had probably lost someone because of me.

Mikasa attempted to bring Eren back to where Armin was sitting, but he wasn't finished. Eren locked on my eyes. "Reiner got what he deserved! Now it's time for you to do the fucking same."

I immediately checked Armin's expression again. Our eyes met and I saw him mutter under his breath.

So... he did lie.

Reiner was dead. He was really dead.

Something inside me deflated and I quit with the games. I fought hard to keep it together while the military heads murmured beneath Eren's screams. Levi gave Mikasa a look and she wrapped an arm around Eren, dragging him to one of the back doors. He yelled profanities the whole way. As soon as the door shut behind them, Zackly cleared his throat, silencing the military heads.

"Alright, that's enough testimonials. I've come to a verdict," Zackly paused, shuffling his papers and folding his hands beneath his chin. His cold, beady eyes seemed to find mine. "Squad Leader Zoe has one week with Colossal Shifter Bertholdt Hoover. Eight days from now, regardless of circumstances, Mr. Hoover will be executed at noon day. Court dismissed."

I expected something, anything but the deadly silence that filled the room. Feet began to shuffle and I allowed my head to droop. I curled up into my self, just like I had as a kid. Even though I had always been the biggest, I still felt so small.

Eight days. One hundred and ninety-two hours. How much of that would I spend sleeping? How much would I spend wishing I was asleep? It was like a sudden weight pressed against my stomach.

I felt a tug on my collar and I was suddenly shoved against the smooth floor. My cheekbones ached from the impact, but I didn't move, didn't make a sound. Someone had a boot against my spine and was freeing the cuffs from the bolt in the ground.

Silently, I was thankful. My shoulders and knees had lost feeling nearly an hour before. All I wanted was to be back alone in my cell, with the freezing floor and the darkness. I didn't want to see the faces of those I had knowingly betrayed. Their expressions caused a tightness in my chest. It wasn't remorse. It was... It was just pain.

I didn't want to be here. I was tired. I was so damn tired. I wished I could just close my eyes and be back in my mother's arms, or Reiner's. Somewhere I could stay forever, completely safe.

Then it was almost like Annie was standing beside me, her lips centimeters from my ear, scoffing. ' _Where's your mother now?'_ She'd bark at me, ' _Where's Reiner? That's right, these people are the enemy. Don't you forget that. Never forget that.'_

They'd always been the enemy. I was just too sad and too broken to keep fighting... to stay strong by myself.

It didn't matter if I gave up now... Annie would never have to know.


	2. Chapter 2

My dreams suddenly seem so empty  
I could go on my own, but I feel like playin' dead  
And for what feels like the first time  
I don't know where you are tonight  
I guess that this is goodbye

[Goodbye - Eddie Yedder](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZH-oZWWGTg)

* * *

_The wind was howling, whipping against my clothing, gripping onto anything it could. It was out of place, but I couldn't help thinking about my Nana telling me nature's omens when I was young. Wild winds were a sign_ _of turmoil. It was fitting since, outside of the walls, the winds were always a constant barrage._

_I was standing haphazardly on Reiner's shoulder, trying to find a grip on his armour, but my fear was making my hands sweat and tremble. The only thing tethering me to Reiner was my maneuver gear's wires. Each time Reiner moved, the wires jolted and terror shot through me. Ahead of us, the military was retreating with Eren safe in their center._

_Reiner took off in a sprint, charging towards them. I felt my stomach clench in fear and I clung desperately to Reiner. I couldn't hear it, but Eren was screaming animatedly in our direction. It was like the essence beneath my skin suddenly woke, buzzing and tingling. Reiner's feet planted and he skid to a messy stop, tearing up the earth beneath us. My shoulder banged painfully against his hardened skin._

_Eren had activated the Coordiante. I wanted to scream in frustration. I was so angry, so on edge. Armin's words were still ringing in my head. I wanted to kill them. I wanted to fucking destroy them for what they did to Annie._

_All around us, the mindless titans paused, turned and started stumbling over each other to reach us, trying to take a piece of our flesh with them. There were dozens of them, bloated and steaming, drenched in the blood of the enemy. Reiner barely had time to shift into a defensive stance, then he was pushing, struggling against the wave of death. Tears stung my eyes as I unsheathed my blade and screamed. Emotion was bubbling at my throat, overflowing, spilling from my eyes._

_I knew I couldn't do anything._

__Reiner swung his arm, batting away one of the titans gnawing at his leg with a fist, but there were too many._ A titan climbed up Reiner's side, its jaw snapping near my arm, barely missing. I felt myself freeze, my anger turning to fear again. They were starting to grip Reiner, starting to pull him down to the ground. Reiner stumbled and another titan lunged for me. I was tempted to close my eyes, but I couldn't. I could only watch its disgusting, mutated face come closer._

_But a clawed paw swiped in front of me, knocking the titan to the ground. My head whipped to the side, my thoughts almost sluggish. Ymir. I felt dead, like the titan had grabbed me and none of this was really real. Ymir saved me. My heart throbbed painfully._

_Ymir saved me, the very titan who had ripped Marcel apart. The Titan that had haunted my nightmares since I was young._

_She gripped Reiner's plates, swinging lower to his chest and grabbing a titan, throwing it to the ground with a terrifying screech. For a moment, I looked around us. There were too many titans. _I couldn't shift. I couldn't fight alongside Reiner. That was the most frustrating feeling in the world. He was being devoured and I was completely helpless. It was like every damn turning point in my life. I had no choice, no will of my own.__

_Standing there, my legs shaking from fear and adrenaline, looking out at the titans, finally seeing our odds... It was like something snapped and a calmness washed over me._ _Numb. That's the only way to describe it._

_We were going to die._

_Just as I thought it, an enormous palm delicately encircled me and I was being lifted above Reiner's head._

_"No! Reiner, no!" I hollered, my voice breaking and tearing at my throat, but he ignored me. All I heard was the low moan of the wind and a flash of panic in_ _Reiner's hard eyes._

_Then the world was somersaulting to the point of nausea and all I could comprehend was the pressure of the vicious wind whipping against my body. On instinct alone, I barely managed to righten myself and activate my stolen maneuver gear, still smudged with its original owner's blood._

_There must have been too much momentum... Maybe I was too off balance. I lost control and hit the ground hard, tumbling and rolling. There was a sharp snap in my leg and unbearable pain washed through my tired mind. My eyesight fogged and for a moment breathing was heavy. The fear and_ _adrenaline was, thankfully, more compelling than the invisible weight behind my eyelids._

_I looked around desperately, for anyone, anything, but besides the sparse trees and shrubbery, I was completely alone._

_I quickly focused all my energy on healing. I couldn't Shift with my leg torn and I couldn't walk. My only options were being captured by the military or being thrust between some titan's jaws... and the last I had seen of the military, they had been retreating. I tried to scoot forward, but my temples throbbed so badly that I had to stop. Maybe I had hit my head as well? I let myself lay back and my eyes focused on the inappropriately beautiful, clear sky._

_My fate was decided for me once again._

_There was a chorus of hoof falls and two horses appeared in the corner of my sight. I quickly rolled onto my stomach and began dragging myself, fingers digging into the soil, trying to get to the cover of nearby underbrush. The slightest movement sent shards of unbearable pain through my leg. I tried not to cry out, but the noise just turned into a choked moan._

_The only way the military could be moving in my direction was if... was if Reiner had thrown me towards them. That idiot. That fucking idiot._

_I heard the horses shuffle behind me and the sound of boots hitting the grassy soil. The footsteps approached me warily and I scrambled desperately, barely scooting forward._

_"Shit, Bentley, its one of the Shifters!" The man exclaimed under his breath, as if I was incapable of hearing them. "His leg's fucked."_

_"Grab him Berk!" The other commanded, swinging off his horse as well._

_The two seemed to assume I was harmless in my half-delirious condition. I guess they were right. Between the two of them they were able to hoist me up onto one of the horses. The two men, uniforms baring the Garrison insignia, cautiously climbed back onto their horses and within moments they were galloping again. I blacked out moments later._

I opened my eyes and blinked up at the darkness, my hair and clothing wet with sweat. I rolled onto my side and felt my handcuffs cut into my aching wrists. It was just like the first night in my cell, when I woke up, delirious with a fever, no idea where I was. Except, now my bitterness toward's Reiner's actions was no longer fresh. In retrospect, I knew he'd saved my life.

That idiot. That fucking idiot.

He saved my life just so I could die alone.

I had hoped that knowing the truth about Reiner would help... but it didn't. The nightmares only got worse.

Sometimes I watched helplessly as Mikasa sliced through Reiner, tearing his arm from his body effortlessly, blood reflecting in her eyes. Sometimes I was standing, watching Annie walk away for the last time, knowing we may never see each other again. All I wanted was to beg her not to leave me with only half of Reiner.

The most unbearable nightmares were the ones where Reiner was happy. The ones where he'd twine our fingers together and laugh against my skin. Where he was himself and we'd steal a few moments together whenever we could. He'd just hold me and, for once, I'd feel safe.

After the expedition outside the walls, Reiner changed. It was like... he stopped making promises he couldn't keep. Maybe it was because he realized the danger we were in. Maybe he realized, Warriors or not, this was a suicide mission.

Trying to be with Reiner was like looking through a cracked mirror, but he was all I had.

There was a chorus of light footsteps that I didn't recognize. My eyes were fully open in a moment, wondering if this was some kind of dream. I looked towards the faintly lit hallway and saw the two soldiers posted move into a salute. Then they turned and marched away. The space in front of the cell was empty for a moment before Levi was glaring at me from behind the bars.

He hefted a chair right up against the the cell and straddled it, resting his chin on his arms. He looked like he didn't want to be here. The dark bags beneath his eyes were starting to look unhealthy and his skin was tinged and pasty. He just sat there, glaring and staring. Could the guy get any weirder?

"What is this? Are you actually going to torture me or something?" I asked, finally. I was considering laying back down and attempting to sleep, unless he was actually here to torture me.

Levi's bored gaze turned disdainful, but he didn't reply. "I'm only here to babysit you until Hanji arrives, tall freak."

I was a little relieved. Although Levi's presence was painful, it was definitely better than being tortured. I rolled over on my uncomfortable mattress. They had humanity's shortest soldier... guarding humanity's tallest threat. I chuckled quietly to myself, hoping my misplaced laughter would unnerve Levi, but it didn't seem like it did.

Reiner would've liked that one. He was a big fan of shitty jokes.

Just as I began to nod off, there were more footsteps and I heard Levi's chair scrape back.

"What took you so fucking long?" Levi muttered. I could almost hear Hanji's eye roll.

"Moblit has a terrible cold so I had to make sure he ate all his soup. I don't want him getting dehydrated."

"Oh, so that's why he was coughing and getting his snot everywhere? Well, I'm glad I told him to stay away from me."

Were they actually going to talk about this in front of me?

"Well I'm here now." Hanji said, a little irritated, followed by the rustle of parchment.

There were a few clinks as the door of my cell was opened. I quickly sat up and pressed my back to the cold wall, watching warily as Levi and Hanji approached. Hanji hung back and leaned against the far wall. Levi stood in the middle of the cell, slowly rolling up the sleeves of his white button up shirt.

"So you _are_ going to torture me?" I asked, finally feeling some fear seep into my bones. It was better than the constant numbness.

"If you don't cooperate." Levi muttered, glancing up from beneath his fringe. The hate in his eyes was articulated very clearly.

"We figure that if you're in enough pain, you'll eventually heal yourself," Hanji added, sounding oddly cheery. "Then we won't have to wait for you to recover. We're prepared to do this every day until you either cooperate or you're executed."

I sighed heavily as Levi cracked his knuckles and Hanji calmly flipped through the stack of paper in their hands.

"Okay," Hanji began, adjusting their glasses slightly. "Are you really from the southern village listed on your documents?"

I hesitated, trying to think through my options, but my head ached and I was pretty sure I was dehydrated. I could just lie to them and they wouldn't have a clue... I definitely couldn't tell them the truth, not if it could help them somehow.

"Were your parents titan shifters as well?" Hanji asked, their eyes flickering back to their list. "Is the ability genetic?"

I shrugged weakly.

Hanji met Levi's eyes and he calmly walked forwards, grabbing me by the front of my shirt and hefting me off the side of my cot. I tried to catch myself, but with my hands bound, I fell to the floor, hitting my shoulder and wincing.

"Clarify." Hanji demanded, their eyes narrowing.

"Eat... shit." I grunted from the floor.

Levi gave Hanji a weary look before bringing his leg back and kicking into my ribs. The back of my head hit the wall and I coughed hard, my eyes instantly watering. Levi crouched, his dark eyes finding mine. He brought his fist down, letting it connect with my jaw. I felt the skin on the inside of my lip split on my teeth and the room spun for a moment.

Levi pulled away a little, one hand still clenching the front of my shirt. "Answer their fucking questions."

I held his gaze, putting all the hate I could into it. Levi made a tch sound and then he was pulling me forward, grabbing my middle finger and twisting it back until the joint gave out. I gritted my teeth in an attempt not to scream. Levi just grabbed the next finger, wrenching it back relentlessly. My hand was on fire and the pain ran all the way up my forearm. I couldn't help it, I started sobbing.

Levi stood and gave me a few more swift kicks to my chest. I felt something inside snap. Levi felt it too and he crouched down, pressing his thumb and pointer together and pushing down on my chest. There was a searing in my throbbing skull and for a moment I couldn't breathe. Then the pressure let up and every breath was shallow and ragged. I gazed up deliriously at the ceiling, vaguely aware of the metal around my wrists cutting into the skin and the taste of blood in my mouth.

"Like I said," Hanji spoke from the corner, once my crying died down a little. "We have all the time in the world."

I was so tempted to give in, just so the pain would end. What was the point anyway? I was already going to die. The only difference I could make now was how much suffering I had to go through before I got there.

"Get up." Levi spat, gripping my hair and twisting, his knuckles digging into my scalp, dragging me upwards.

"Mmggnh..." I whimpered as his other hand wrapped around my throat and pinned it against the wall. He was so short that I had to kneel at an awkward angle.

Each inhale brought a sharp pain to my ribs that made me feel wonky, my wrists were bloody from rubbing and digging into my cuffs repeatedly, a large portion of my face was numb, and my fingers throbbed in time with my heart beat.

For the briefest moment I saw Annie in front of me, her eyes fiery as she squeezed my throat. Then there was sharp pain spiking through my hand and arm. My body instinctively thrashed, trying to get away. Levi had his hand clenched around my broken fingers. The pain was so intense that tears started streaming down my cheeks.

Levi paused, his eyes assessing his most recent damage. He looked so... tired, like he didn't know why he was here anymore. His eyes held no pity, no remorse. I had a feeling they looked a lot like mine.

"Now answer the question, you worthless piece of shit."

"Speak up," I wheezed, feeling Levi's fingers tighten around my throat, "I... can't hear you from up here."

His eyes flashed and his hand darted for the knife at his belt. In a second, the blade was pressed against my forehead. I grinned, feeling my bloodied spit drip between my teeth and down my chin. I hope I looked half as insane as I felt.

"Try not to kill him Levi..." Hanji murmured from where they were standing, leaning against the bars of the cell and looking generally disinterested.

"He'll be dead before weeks end. Does it really matter if I'm the one to do it?" Levi asked, his eyes narrowing further and his grip tigtening.

"No, but then we'll have days of paperwork to fill out, which I'd rather not deal with." Hanji pushed up their glasses, holding their finger on the bridge of their nose for a moment longer than necessary.

Levi just sneered and pulled the knife away. Before I could react, his fist was connecting with my left temple. He let me fall to the floor and I didn't resist. It felt like my head was submerged in fluid and all I could hear was my annoyingly loud heartbeat. Little black lines danced across my vision and I felt some more spittle drool from my mouth.

A small grin spread across my lips, making the throbbing more acute. Levi shoved me over with the heel of his boot and I gazed up at his bleary, scowling face.

"I'm hungry," Levi said to Hanji, his eyes still on mine. He was toying with the knife between his fingers. "Let's continue this later?"

My wheezy laughter turned into a fit of painful coughs. Both Hanji and Levi eyed me and then he was turning, walking over to my cell's door. Hanji followed close behind, tucking the paperwork beneath their arm.

"I think I'll bring some more soup to Moblit..." Hanji mused aloud, their voice echoing as they moved down the hall and out of sight.

"Just keep the germs away from me. I don't want to get fucking sick." Levi replied, his voice rough as their footsteps quickly faded.

I curled up as much as I could, feeling silent tears wet my eyelashes. I closed my eyes and exhaled, feeling my skin tingle and steam as my bones reshaped and pushed themselves back into place. Maybe twenty minutes later, the pain stopped, but there was still a hollowness in the pit of my gut.

I'd never again run my hands through Annie's hair or be at the end of her small smiles. I'd never again feel Reiner's lips on my temple or hear his quiet chuckle.

I couldn't stop crying, because it didn't matter what I did. If I fought them... nothing changed. I was dead. I was already dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Bert :(


	3. Chapter 3

So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down  
I'll never wear your broken crown  
I can take the road and I can fuck it all away  
But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate

[ Broken Crown - Mumford & Sons ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LBx2YjDtYg&feature=kp)

 

* * *

 

"Bertholdt... Bertholdt! Hey, Bertl!"

A hand clamped down on my arm and my eyes immediately opened. My whole body moved with instinct, twisting away and covering my face in defense. The chains around my wrists caught and tugged on the tender flesh, making me wince. The hand that had grabbed me quickly pulled away.

"I'm not going to hurt you." They insisted softly. My eyes adjusted as my breathing calmed and I noticed a wisp of blonde hair, barely illuminated by the lamp on the far side of the cell's hallway.

Fair skin, blonde hair. This must be a dream.

"We don't have much time." It wasn't Annie's voice. It was... Christa? Why was she here? Where were the soldiers who were guarding my cell?

Her small hands took my wrists very delicately and she worked at the locks with a key. With a quiet clink the cuffs came loose. I quickly sat up, sliding out of the shallow cot and shifting to my feet. My body ached with soreness, as if I had just practiced with maneuver gear for the first time. My hands immediately went to my wrists, massaging the tender flesh.

Christa took a step back and our eyes met. She was so damn short. She pushed back the strands of blonde in her face. My mouth was suddenly very dry.

"Annie is in the last cell on this hall, frozen in crystal." She snapped her fingers, bringing me back from my shock. "I don't know how much time we have. Levi is meeting Erwin on the surface. This is the only chance you'll get." Christa walked to the front of the cell and I followed. She pulled an object from her back pocket, obscured by the dark. The moment the cool metal touched my hands I knew what it was. I tucked the object securely in the waist of my pants.

It was a dagger. This was really happening.

"Once you get Annie, follow this hallway back out and stick to the left. It should lead you to the back staircase and from there, with no detours, straight to the surface." Christa's tone was urgent as she gave that very hallway an apprehensive glace. I tried to visualize the route, committing it to memory.

"Wait, what about the guards?" I inquired, my mind trying to keep up. "Won't the stairwells be locked?"

Christa was silent for a moment, her eyes flickering towards the hall. I followed her gaze and noticed the guard's bodies slumped against the far wall.

This was really happening.

Our eyes met again.

"The back staircase should be unlocked. There are two sets of maneuver gear stashed behind the panel next to the stairway's door. We're on the outskirts of the Karanese District, so the two of you should have enough fuel to get to the edge of Maria, at the least, but that's all the help I can offer." Her eyes flashed something. Regret maybe.

Only two? Christa wasn't coming as well? That made no sense. She would be prosecuted if she stayed.

"Why are you doing this?" My voice was dark.

"Ymir is dead," Christa's voice had a bitterness that, previously, I'd only heard from Eren. "I have no loyalty to the people who killed her."

"So, Reiner is really...?" I asked quietly, moving closer to the cell's door.

Christa's face darkened and she looked towards the ground, drawing the shadows further down her face. "He fell with Ymir."

This time something inside me shifted. This time I felt the words and I understood what they really meant.

I'd never see him again. Never.

Oh.

_Oh._

My hand slipped from the cold bars and I gripped the front of my shirt. My mouth was so dry. I couldn't speak. There was a deep pressure behind my eyes, but I couldn't fall apart. Not here... not with Annie so close.

"You're not coming?" I asked, choked, feeling my frown deepen. Christa shook her head wistfully, silently opening the door of my cell. I stepped to the side as Christa moved out into the hall. She gave me one more silent glance before turning and quickly jogging away.

I waited until I couldn't hear her, feeling my heart pound in my chest, before stepping out of my cell. I ran in the opposite direction, my grimy feet pounding against the smooth cobblestone. The other end of the hallway was just as dimly lit as my portion and eerily empty.

The only thing at the end of the hall was a thick wooden door. The cell was unlike any of the others. It didn't even look like a cell. I hesitated for half a second before pressing my shoulder against the cold surface and pushing. The door was unlocked and heavy, but it opened easily.

The room inside was nearly three times the size of my cell, with high ceilings and benches built against the far side of the wall. There was a dim oil lamp bolted to the wall in the corner. The place seemed like a storage unit converted into a cell. Every sound I made echoed across the room as I walked up to Annie's suspended, crystallized form.

For a moment, I didn't want to wake her. I'd never seen her features so relaxed, so innocent. I didn't want to be the one to bring her back into this world of suffering.

The hesitation didn't last long.

I tapped against the dull crystal lightly and glanced up at Annie's sleeping face. "Hey, wake up. It's time to go." I murmured, although I knew my words were completely unnecessary.

The crystal silently broke apart and began dissolving into steam. I leaned towards her as her limp body pitched forward. Her petite form felt almost weightless in my arms. Annie's eyelids fluttered momentarily before weakly opening. Her blue eyes peered up at mine for only a second, recognition flashing. She curled up slightly, barely able hold the weight of her own head. I tucked her up so Annie could lean her head against my throat as she recovered.

It was like cradling a baby.

"Bert..." She managed to whisper, gripping the collar of my shirt with her arm draped around my neck. Hearing her voice again brought goosebumps to my skin.

There were little things that I'd already started to forget about her, just like my mother, Marcel... and now Reiner. Except now Annie was no longer a memory I'd have to work at conjuring up. She was alive. She was here. I wouldn't be forgetting her angry smirk or her deep, apathetic eyes.

I felt that pressure behind my eyelids again and allowed myself to hold her. My stomach twisted and my eyes stung. Annie smelled like sweat and the military's cheap standard issue lavender soap.

She was alive. Annie was alive.

She was getting out of this hell hole. She would survive. And if I somehow did as well, maybe we could... Maybe we could go somewhere secluded, like the villages in the mountain's forests.

In my imagination, we were already huddled beside a camp fire, cold but happy. We were already hunting a rabbit's trail through the underbrush of the woods, knives poised low.

Life would be difficult, but we could survive. If anyone, we could survive. And if Annie didn't want to run... If she wanted to keep fighting, that would be okay too. She was all I had left.

I opened my eyes.

We had to move. My fantasies didn't matter if we didn't make it out. If Annie didn't make it.

Fighting would be nearly impossible with Annie in my arms and there was no way she'd be walking out of this underground fortress, she was too weak. I would just have to be quick. I was our only chance.

I moved out of the cell and started bolting down the hallway, sticking to the left like Christa had instructed. We were only a few yards from my cell when humming and approaching footsteps caught my attention. It didn't sound like many people. Maybe only one.

I gingerly set Annie inside my cell and rushed back into the hall. I made note of where the guard's bodies were, put out the nearest lamp and pressed myself against the cold wall, slowing my breathing and attempting to blend into the shadows.

The footsteps came closer and then paused. I held my breath, feeling my heart pound. There was a heavy sigh not far from me. "This isn't very funny. Or did you idiots forget to replace the oil again?" There was a slight chuckle and then Hanji was coming closer.

"Marc? Gerdo?" They called.

Hanji hadn't been the only one testing and observing. I guess all that time locked in a cell wasn't for nothing. I knew their weak side. I knew their most recent injury. I knew exactly where they were standing. I finally had an advantage. Their guard was down and I was ready.

I slipped the knife from the waist of my pants and rolled up onto the balls of my feet. This was so easy. Hanji took another step and I could barely contain the exhilaration bubbling up inside me.

When they were two paces away, I lunged forward, grabbing them by their left side and slicing upwards with my knife against their skin. They jerked in my grip and I felt the blade carve around to the underside of their collarbone.

Before they could retaliate I was slamming them into the wall and rutting the knife into them again and again. Thick, warm blood splattered against my skin and dripped from my hand. I could feel Hanji's hand limply grip my shirt. I exhaled shakily, suddenly glad I couldn't see anything, glad Hanji had remained silent, glad they didn't fight back.

Strange that they had come here alone, but I guess Hanji had always been reckless

I let go of Hanji and took a few steps back, pulling my blade from their flesh. I heard their body slowly slide down the wall, falling stiffly to their side once they hit the floor. I took a quick moment to wipe my hands and the knife on my shirt. Then I was reaching for the lamp and illuminating the hall once again.

Hanji's eyes were wide, but empty. Blood was oozing through the fabric of their uniform. I noticed a deep gash on the side of their jugular and a puncture straight through their windpipe. I hadn't realized...

_Numb. That's the only way to describe it._

Looking away, I crouched and unhooked the ring of keys attached to their belt. Then I was up and rushing to my cell, careful not to look at Hanji's body.

Annie was still crumpled just as I'd left her. I reached down, hoisting her up, noticing the red staining my hands.

We didn't have long now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arrrgh Im so sorry Hanji
> 
>  
> 
> Things just get more intense from here


End file.
